The Biggest Little Things in Reno
Dear readers on the right,
I'm back from the greatest hunting convention ever in the world. Safari Club International's Annual Hunting Gatherers in RENO (the biggest little city) Nevada. It's like no other gathering on earth.Over 30,000 animal killing men and over 28 females. And according to the survey results, 98% of these fine brave men consider themselves right-wing, conservative and over weight.
Each and every morning starts with a robust prayer breakfast led by this countries great men of combat giving thanks to our leader Bush and the Father George Herbert Walking Bush. Every morning featured a different strong Christian Non Human Killing expert. The Rev Jerry Fallwell, Rev Bill Frist, Rev Rick Santorum, Rev Steve Largent and Rev Ollie North.
In this 370,000 square foot convention center there were over 2,000 booths most of which were hunting, outfitters and guide companies. However, the one booth that made the biggest impact this year and had a line of thousands of eager and almost desperate sportsmen wrapping frantically around the room twice and out the door to an over flow area which was set up by the Reno police dept just for this purpose..... was the
BIG WHITE HAT... PACKING PRODUCTS
Subtle and sophisticated packing supplies for the modern conservative manly hunter.
This company was developed as a result of years of snickering and putdowns by liberals and non hunters who have unfairly claimed that sportsmen kill animals because of their small sized male genitalia. Well, we have taken those many years of abuse, insults and put downs and molded them into shapely dreams for the discriminating right-wing animal killer.
Providing hunters with useful, confidence boosting hunting tools to aid them with a variety of important packing products for the sometimes difficult task of looking big.
17 NRA "BOUNTIFUL (non lethal tool)" AWARDS!
12 Safari Club International "The Essential" Awards
9 Biblical Hunting (product of the year) Awards
7 Republican Cowboy Awards (most noteworthy product)
5 Christian Sportsmen (The Most Fundamentlist) Awards
4 Young Republican (Humanitarian Product) Awards
The First original flacid packer
(made from realistic feeling polyurethen petroleum soft texturized rubber )
(developed personally by the husband and wife team Big White Hat and Estella Humanzee)
The BIGGEST seller at the event (45,000 sold over 3 days) was the "Average Joe" packing piece which allows men the high tech sophistication of being able to take a piss without ever having to remove what it is they've packed in.
(urine tube included)
Hunters can now feel proud and confident when they step out into the killing fields with other men watching and shoot down the animal of their dreams.
"This is more than just a feel good product, its really a weapon and a tool you don't ever want to hunt without."
Antonin Scalia (Right-wing Activist Judge)
Yes, boys, that's me yours truly P Suggs, pictured below here. I killed this big old Buffalo at Rising Sun Game Preserve which was not too far from the convention center and was on the way back to my hotel. There I met Bert who has a custom made packing piece he calls the HOLEHAUSER he had it made back in the winter of 1963.
Well, for only $65, I now have a brand new big fluffy head for the wall in my bible study room back at home and a new packing friend name BERT and his hunting dog Linda!! By the way...I was wearing (packing) my faithful Hugo piece when I blasted this guy here and of course as always, Jesus was with me too. GOD BLESS!
From a woman's point of view (looking straight on, at aprox 2 feet above the groin area)
"When you purchase one of our packing products my husband and I consider you a special member of our hunting party and we wish we could be there with everyone of you when you slide it on and pack it in for the first time. Oh..it should slide on easily!! We believe that how a man who kills animals prepares himself visually down below and the equipment he packs in his pants, along with respect and proper compliments given by his fellow hunters is a reflection of a man's dedication towards the American, right-wing, Christian and animal killing way of life."
Mrs. Estella Humanzee
(Its not just for the men anymore, I wear one too now and my husband loves it!)
From the masculine (husband's) point of view.....
(which is usually looking upwards from a kneeling position with his view actually obstructed....)
"When a fella learns to pack right (no pun intended) for his hunting trips he learns the first lesson in feeling noble. Its not the pants or shorts a man wears when he makes a kill, but it's how he fills them up or out and the way it buldges when he shoots his weapon.
A well packed crotch region gives the conservative, patriotic man, a gallant confidence that can add pinpoint accuracy when he be unloading his weapon in front of his buddies or his wife. For the most part, our products were all designed while in the woods alone and scared. They were meditated on during a kill or when attending many NRA or GOP conventions, where size is always important, yet hard...to find! My wife Estella and I trust that our personal packing hunting products will aid the unsure hunter with the less desirable reality but very important task of feeling (and looking) larger. We get on our knees and pray your fears vanish and that packing will allow you brave men more time for the desperate pleasure we all need from, killing animals."
MR. BIG WHITE HAT HUMANZEE
YOU are gonna Feel and look so big that you'll just wanna open up and expose your private area constantly for the world to see! You'll never have to be nervous again or feel intimidated when it's your turn to stand up and take that shot you've been hungering for all day! And man...when you make that kill Mister Man, you're gonna feel brave, viril, and resolute. Resolute and sure enough to sit right down and relax and relish the moment of taking someone's life....that wanted to keep living. Its a moment you so deserve!! A moment of blood, potent sweat and of intense patriotic victory.... A moment when you'll never have to cross your legs again sissy style the way liberal non killing secular men do!!
BE BRAVE AND OPEN UP WIDE
If you would like to have a packing piece made special or custom made by our artisians... please contact a professional measurer listed below.
Click here for a master measurer in your area
(Complete professional, intimate and compassionate conservative privacy on your final numbers)
There are over 8,500 official Safari Club licensed measurers in the US alone catering to the Christian conservative gun loving American sportsmen.
This is a great company with a great product made for a great many men!
the above views do not neccesarily reflect the views of the men who wrote them. They were written by famous ad men in New York City who were not into or comprehending this weird strange subculture of violent right-wing slobs stuffing their private parts into rubberized fake genitalia and then killing animals...just plain weird!!!
However, most awesome compensation was paid to the talented men in NYC by a bunch of wacked out Texas guys gals...whatever!!!And also there was a bartered deal made for the advertisement above and the proprieter (a mr p suggs) of this site and he was given a free custom made Packing item called the Philphlaccid...yikes...OK...enough with this....